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Wolken Over Everybody Watching the NCAAs

Posted on March 25, 2011

This post is not written by the insufferable Dan Wolken, former columnist at the Memphis Commercial-Appeal and currently at The Daily. But we're pretending that he wrote this post.

* It's true: Coach John Calipari's life has always involved class struggle. Cal didn't grow up in Village of Bayville or quaint little Orrville. Starting with nothing, Coach Cal had to work hard and fight for everything he had. And that is what makes him the dirtiest coach in America. NBA Commish David Stern knows where the bodies are buried because Cal dug a bunch of the holes in New Jersey. That's the real reason why I'm here in Newark, losers.

* Missouri basketball should not exist. They don't win anything of importance. They don't have any advantage over any other program. Well, they do have the most throughly-cleaning and twitchy arena crew I've ever seen; I wonder why?

* Oh man, I'm still laughing about Tennessee's men's basketball candidate list. Here, Vol Nation, let me fix it for you:

  1. Pat Summit
  2. Mark Turgeon
  3. Pat Summit -- Just to make sure she's not really interested.
  4. Gregg Marshall
  5. Pat Summit -- And offer her the AD job, since you know she's gonna get it if she wants it.

* To expand on this genius "Tubby is like the Sandra Bullock of coaches" statement: Tubby get a lot of sympathy from the media due to a relationship that went badly for him. Women love Tubby, even the women who you'd think should hate him love him. And Tubby has been screwed by Matthew McConaughey. Don't ask me how I found that last part out.

* Also screwed by Matthew McConaughey? Rick Barnes. But that's to Barnes' betterment.

Games are starting in about 4 hours and I'm waist-high in marsh. It smells like Derrick Rose's SAT score out here, boys. Keep digging!

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Posted by Fake Gimel

TANSTAAFL!

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