Halftime Adjustment Finding the Seams of Your Zone Since 2011

Why Your NCAA Team Lost: Round of 64

Posted on March 19, 2011

Thirty-two games, thirty-two losers. You could read detailed post-game reviews at other news sites, but you don't have time for that. Instead, check out these quick, fake reasons why each team lost their NCAA Tournament first Second Round game.

  • Louisville -- "Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!" "Great shot kid, that was one-in-a-million!"
  • Hampton, UT-San Antonio -- They were #16 seeds.
  • Boston University, UNC-Asheville -- They were #16 seeds but it took their #1-seed opponents a half to remember they were #16 seeds.
  • Vanderbilt -- Did not play game in Memorial Gymnasium. Also, Kevin Stallings.
  • Clemson, Indiana State -- Zoned to death.
  • Old Dominion -- Could not secure the final possesSSSSSHHHAAAWWWNN.
  • Penn State -- Talor Battle made a deep 3 to tie, but there was still Juan shot left.
  • Princeton -- Prevented Kentucky's Brandon Knight from scoring for only 39 minutes and 58 seconds.
  • Northern Colorado -- Expected San Diego State Coach Steve Fisher to choke away the game but didn't do anything to help him.
  • UC Santa Barbara -- Too much Tyler Summit.
  • Wofford -- Didn't make awful rap music.
  • Bucknell -- Thought UConn might be tired.
  • Belmont -- Curse of the Expected High-Seed Upset.
  • Michigan State -- Tom Izzo got confused, thought media thinking highly of him would add 20 points to the score at the end.
  • St. John's -- If Izzo gets 20 points at the end of the game, Steve Lavin gets 15, right? Wrong.
  • Missouri -- 11 minutes without a made FG only works when Cincinatti goes 15 minutes without a made FG.
  • Memphis -- Referee Jim Burr hates Dan Wolkins and Memphis. (I didn't think Arizona forward Derrick Williams' block was the kind of foul a ref would call at the end of the game. But perhaps a foul should have been called when Arizona forward Jamelle Horne crashed into Memphis' Wesley Witherspoon on the rebound.)
  • Utah State -- Wild Bill didn't wear a tutu.
  • Oakland -- Not just like Compton.
  • Tennessee -- Tennessee AD Mike Hamilton's big fat mouth.
  • Akron -- Left Cleveland.
  • Villanova -- Despite the lower seed, Villanova was subject to the #ruleofgus.
  • Georgia -- Tried to invoke #ruleofgus without Gus present.
  • UNLV -- Illinois decided that now was a good time to make-up for every missed jumper they've taken this year. Seriously: The Illini nearly shot 60% for the game!
  • Texas A&M -- Scored just 14 points in the first nineteen minutes of the 2nd half. Could have used some of Illinois' scoring.
  • Long Island -- Played better defense than UNLV, but not that much better.
  • St. Peter's -- This is not 2007, so the Peacocks weren't propelled by gratuitous Family Guy references.
  • Xavier -- Jordan's Better! *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
  • Georgetown -- Rodriguez and Rozelle at Tanagra! Shaka! When the Hoyas Fell!

More losers soon will join these teams tomorrow and Sunday. They will be most likely the losers President Obama picked. On Monday, Glenn Beck will draw up a chalkboard conspiracy involving the President, Libyan rebels, the NCAA, Enes Kanter and Jay Bilas. In the meantime, enjoy the games everyone!

Related Posts

SEC Smash Tourney Game #5: Timeout Tantrum

Posted on March 11, 2011

For 35 minutes, Georgia dominated Alabama. Then somehow the Crimson Tide kept fighting to tie the game with just seconds left. Georgia pushes for a shot and it banks in... but Georgia Coach Mark Fox called timeout! Georgia can't get a good shot with just 0.8 seconds left, the game goes into overtime... and Alabama takes control by forcing turnovers.

Alabama wins 65-59, and Georgia fans have to be crying. Hopefully Georgia has done just enough to get into the NCAA Tournament; I'd love to see wily Coach Fox again this season!

Related Posts


SEC Smash Bros. Tourney: Games #5 & #6 Preview

Posted on March 11, 2011

Friday afternoon of the SEC Tournament welcomes the top teams into the fray. One of these bye-winning teams is still fighting their way into the NCAA Tournament picture and has a tough matchup with another NCAA-desperate team. The other top team better win or I'm going to be in a foul mood.

If you can't watch on a local SEC Network partner (PDF), perhaps you can watch via ESPN3. After each game is complete, I'll have a Quick, Fake Summary of the game posted here on HTA.com. Enjoy the games!

E4 Georgia vs. W1 Auburn

Previous Meeting(s)

After over a month of limited play, Alabama senior guard Charvez Davis finally caught fire. He dropped 5 of 10 3-pointers (4 in the second half) and scored 17 points total. This complemented 'bama's JaMychal Green's 19 points and 9 rebounds and Tony Mitchell's 13 points off the bench to overpower the Bulldogs 65-57.

About Georgia

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Captain Falcon. Defensively Captain Falcon is all about pressure; Georgia forcing opponents to take tough shots (and blocks a bunch!) while preventing opponents' offensive rebounding. The Bulldogs also do their scoring on the inside, with Trey Thompkins providing the Smash Attacks, Gerald Robinson providing Falcon Punches and Travis Leslie giving Falcon Kicks.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Losing four very-winnable games (Tennessee, Florida, Xavier & Vandy) at home. Win two of those 4 games and Georgia isn't fighting for a NCAA bubble spot.

How They'll Win This Game: Jeremy Price has to limit his fouls and stay in the game. Price might not be the best individual match-up against Alabama's JaMychal Green, but Price should be used to limit Tony Mitchell and Alabama's offensive rebounding.

About Alabama

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Lucario. Excellent vertical control and defense that results in controlling rebounding, steals, blocks and forcing turnovers. Strong interior offensive play that gets stronger as the game comes to an end.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Tim Higgins being Tim Higgins. If Alabama wins that game at Nashville, I bet they improve themselves just enough to be considered currently on-the-bubble.

How They'll Win This Game: Dominate inside. Getting another great game from Charvez Davis isn't necessary, but Alabama will need some offensive output from someone like Andrew Steele or Trevor Releford penetrating inside and drawing Georgia fouls.

Georgia-Alabama Prediction

Alabama by 4. Alabama's backcourt outplays Georgia's backcourt and the Crimson Tide get enough production from their frontcourt to overcome Georgia's scrappy play.

W4 Ole Miss vs. E2 Kentucky

Previous Meeting(s)

Ole Miss hung tough against missing their own shots early and then built an 11-point lead in the 2nd half thanks to lackluster Kentucky defense. To the Wildcats' credit, they battled back but couldn't quite seal the deal; Ole Miss' Chris Warren hit a 3-point dagger to put the Rebels ahead with 2.9 seconds left. Warren's 22-points & 3 assists lifted the Rebels over the Wildcats 71-69.

About Ole Miss

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Zero Suit Samus. Really not strong on the inside defensively, but can absolutely pour on the damage from quick outside-in attacks or on the tip of her Plasma Whip.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season:: Not going with Admiral Ackbar. Or Hotty Totty Man, which would have provided Duff Man type of humor. OH YEAH!

How They'll Win This Game: Playing the Wildcats physical isn't necessarily going to make Coach John Calipari's team to shirk again. Warren should produce another strong outside shooting effort -- the Wildcats have been weak at defending the arc -- but he'll need to ensure that his teammates all produce offense. Keeping the Wildcats' defense scrambling and off-balance will allow Warren to feast again.

About Kentucky

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Marth. Incredible offense output and quickness. Long reach provides incredible defensive capabilities. When played by a focused player, it can be an unstoppable juggernaut; when carelessly button-mashing, will let inferior opponents have openings.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season:: When John Calipari lip-reading stopped being polite and started getting real.

How They'll Win This Game: Junior Guard DeAndre Liggins needs to play more than 22 minutes and not argue with the refs. Junior Forward Darius Miller will need to continue taking a more active role offensively. Freshman Forward Terrence Jones should feast again on Ole Miss' interior. Really, the Wildcats just need to play defense for about 35 minutes of the game and should scoot away with a win.

Ole Miss-Kentucky Prediction

Kentucky by 7. Revenge is a dish best served cold. In Atlanta, it's served with a ice-cold Coca-Cola.

Related Posts