Halftime Adjustment Finding the Seams of Your Zone Since 2011

Why Your NCAA Team Lost: Final Four

Posted on April 2, 2011

Two games, two losers. You could read detailed post-game reviews at other news sites, but they won't embed Rick Ross videos. These quick, fake reasons are why each team lost their NCAA Tournament Final Four game.

  • VCU -- Howard and Vanzant in Houston! Shelvin, when the Shaka fell!

    There's a significant chance that Butler Head Coach Brad Stevens is an android. While I don't think he's Data (or Lore, or Lal), he and his team are efficient like the Borg.
  • Kentucky -- Connecticut held Brandon Knight scoreless for the first 11:58, and really kept pressuring him through the game. Kentucky forward Terrence Jones played a monster game but missed all 5 of his free-throw attempts. Kentucky's upper-classmen were limited to 5-23 FG and played like freshmen.

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Why Your NCAA Team Lost: Elite Eight Edition

Posted on March 27, 2011

Four games, four losers. You could read detailed post-game reviews at other news sites, but they won't embed videos with foul-mouthed clown-faced rappers. These quick, fake reasons are why each team lost their NCAA Tournament Elite 8 game.

  • Florida -- Florida's team went 3-17 in three-point attempts; guard Erving Walker was 1-7 3FG by himself. Butler's Shelden Mack made 4 three-pointers.
  • Arizona -- Thought Derrick Williams could make miracles happen outside the paint. Desperation threes; how does that work? (Video below is NSFW for Insane Clown Posse reasons.)
  • North Carolina -- North Carolina held Kentucky freshman guard Brandon Knight scoreless for the first 3:26, then decided "eh, let's just watch him drain 3-pointers the rest of the game." Black Falcon was denied his chance for a FALCON PUNCH by Kendall Marshall.
  • Kansas -- Skeen, alone in the distance. Self, his hands around his throat. SHAKA, WHEN THE JAYHAWKS FELL!

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TANSTAAFL!

Why Your NCAA Team Lost: Sweet 16

Posted on March 26, 2011

Eight games, eight losers. You could read detailed post-game reviews at other news sites, but they won't use scenes from Major League 2. These quick, fake reasons are why each team lost their NCAA Tournament Sweet 16 game. (Man, I'm glad to stop using that strikethrough humor about the NCAA misaligned rounds.)

  • Richmond, Marquette --
  • San Diego State -- Kemba Walker has been paying attention in his Movement and Blocking Techniques for the Stage class this semester.
  • BYU -- Alex Tyus pretended he was wearing his dreadlocks again and went into Predator mode. Also, BYU got Jimmerette'd, since nobody else could help Jimmer score.
  • Ohio State -- Freshman forward Jared Sullinger had 21 points, 16 rebounds and battled for those numbers. Went just 6-16 3PT% for the game (senior guard Jon Diebler hit 4 of them). And... Ohio State kept Brandon Knight from scoring for the first 9:19 of the 1st half but couldn't stop him from scoring in the final 6 seconds of the game.
  • Wisconsin -- Got confused: Looked at Butler's line-up and thought, "Hey, this is a Big Ten team, we can shoot 30% and still win!"
  • Duke -- Sucked.
  • Florida State -- Derwin's army... with fists open... Leonard, his eyes uncovered! SHAKA, WHEN THE SEMINOLES FELL!

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