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A Room Full of Dungeon Masters To Rank Them All!

Posted on February 18, 2011

But why would we want to talk about anything other than the NCAA Tournament? It's the ONLY thing that matters in college basketball!

Close, Ken. I think it's more like a Dungeons and Dragons encounter-building party, where 20-some-odd wannabe Dungeon Masters argue over which monsters go in the rooms of the dungeons. They'll cite stats, gripe about why their favorite monsters aren't in the more important rooms and quote rules at each other.

What would that look like? Let's role-play:

Greg Shaheen, NCAA Interim Executive Vice-President: Alright, we are now looking for four monsters to populate 4th-seed encounter. MAY I REMIND YOU TO PLEASE REFRAIN FROM THROWING CHEETOS AND OTHER SNACKS AND BEVERAGES. Any suggestions? Yes, Andy.

Andy Glockner, SI.com writer Lets put in a Level 9 Villanova Wildcat. It's kinda a dual-role creature that has fantastic long-distance attacks but can still be effective in hit-and-run melee combat.

Mike Hall, B1G T3N Network: Good pick, Andy. I nominate a Level 7 Florida Gator: It has a surprising vertical attack that controls the air. The Gator also has overall great defensive stats that let's it really slug it out with PCs.

Seth Davis, Sports Illustrated/CBS Sports: I concur, a Florida Gator deserves to be in this room. Furthermore I nominate a Level 8 Vanderbilt Commodore. PCs who get close and hit it allow the Commodore to apply +1 stackable free-action attacks. Plus the Commodore collects an insane amount of damage when attacking from deep.

Greg Shaheen: All good choices, gentlemen! Just one more. Yes, Jason?

Jason King, Yahoo! Sports: How about a Level 6 Young Kentucky Wildcat?

(Disgusted groans emit around the conference table.)

Jason King: C'mon! It has an insane stacking bonus to it's attack -- once it starts causing damage, both it's attack and overall defensive prowess goes up!

Seth Davis: Yeah but the Young Wildcat can't defend against artillery attacks and it's base offense & defensive stats makes it fairly worthless if it's not hitting anything!

Andy Glockner: Don't we have enough striker-type monsters in this encounter? What we need is something that can adequately dominate in the middle of the area... something like a Level 6 North Carolina Tar Heel?

Jason King: I understand that, but--

Mike Hall: Yeah, and we don't need any more Southeastern-origin creatures in this encounter. We should pick either a Leader monster or a Legend monster. How about a Level 27 Zombie Paterno?

Andy Glockner: That doesn't even make a lick of sense!

(The conference room erupts into multiple arguments. Sprayed clouds of Red Bull and Mountain Dew fill the air. Greg Shaheen calmly rolls dice on the table.)

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Seth Davis Explains Tonight’s Duke Victory over UNC

Posted on February 9, 2011

No, it wasn't that Nolan Smith and Seth Curry outplayed the UNC guards. It wasn't Kyle Singler holding Harrison Barnes in check. It definitely wasn't the Duke forwards scrapping for rebounds and getting a ton of offensive rebounds in the second half. No, no no. This scrappy widdle nationally-ranked Duke team had to out-HEART the Tar Heels!

Below is a quick, fake video summary of Duke's victory tonight.

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TANSTAAFL!