(Title of this post is inspired by @ukandrew.)
Run! Jack up a quick 3! Run! Inside-out, jack up a 3! Offensive rebound, jack up a 3!
South Carolina is clearly investigating new and exciting ways to miss shots. Dunks rim in-and-out; layups spin out. Wild 3-point heaves bounce high and proud, rising and falling as the sun. And the Gamecocks should crow for shooting 20-67 FG (29.9%) including 8-30 3FG (26.7%), which has to be some incredible shitty record.
Ole Miss kinda helped in their investigation, shooting 6-19 3FG for the game. But Chris Warren (20 points on 7-16 FG, 3-7 3FG) and Terrence Henry (14 points, 11 rebounds) put enough of a game together to move on. Ole Miss wins 66-55; South Carolina's NCAA basketball season is over.
Maybe Darrin Horn should send all those magical bricks to Haiti. I'm sure UK Coach John Calipari is sending a shipment of timeouts there next week.
Are you ready for some mediocre basketball! This Thursday morning session features one SEC team desperate for some bubble love and three other teams that will be looking to save face from awful conference results. Whether or not the "already out" teams will come to play might be determined by the seniors -- such as Ole Miss' Chris Warren, South Carolina's Sam Muldrow -- who have just one last shot at a victory in the SECT.
Yes, this preview is short, weird and hopefully entertaining. Who else is gonna use Nintendo fighting game characters to define a team's strengths and weaknesses in abstract?
If you can't watch on a local SEC Network partner (PDF), perhaps you can watch via ESPN3. After each game is complete, I'll have a Quick, Fake Summary of the game posted here on HTA.com. Enjoy the games!
W5 Auburn vs. E4 Georgia
Auburn used a 30-point outburst from Earnest Ross (including 5-of-7 3FG) to send the game into overtime. But nobody helped Earnest in overtime, and Georgia pulled away 81-72.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Luigi. Not really good defensively, pretty wretched offensively. They scored 70 or more points just 5 times this season; two of those games went into overtime. They rely a lot on catching teams on bad shooting nights and letting their hard-playing defense keep them close in a game. Occasionally, they'll land a Fire Jump Punch, like they did against Mississippi St. and Ole Miss.
Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Toomer's Corner got poisoned and they still lost to Alabama twice.
How They'll Win This Game: Junior Forward Kenny Gabriel can play more than 30 minutes and produce. Sophomore Guard Ernest Ross should be able to get his points (though probably not 30). Auburn will need more than just Gabriel and Ross to win; other players will have to surprise the Bulldogs with offensive efficiency.
Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Captain Falcon. Defensively Captain Falcon is all about pressure; Georgia forcing opponents to take tough shots (and blocks a bunch!) while preventing opponents' offensive rebounding. The Bulldogs also do their scoring on the inside, with Trey Thompkins providing the Smash Attacks, Gerald Robinson providing Falcon Punches and Travis Leslie giving Falcon Kicks.
Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Losing four very-winnable games (Tennessee, Florida, Xavier & Vandy) at home. Win two of those 4 games and Georgia isn't fighting for a NCAA bubble spot.
How They'll Win This Game: Defense. They already have more scorers than Auburn can muster. They should be able to crack 70 points and keep Auburn's Ross and guard Josh Wallace from producing.
Georgia by 12. Mark Fox will have his team operating like a bunch of souped-up Arwings to earn their chance at a NCAA bubble bid.
E6 South Carolina vs. W4 Ole Miss
Ole Miss' Chris Warren made it rain with eight 3-pointers but South Carolina's Sam Muldrow countered with 3 of his own 3-pointers and 23 points total. Ole Miss' rally from a 14-point second-half deficit fell short, and the Gamecocks won 79-73.
About South Carolina
Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Yoshi. This isn't your Smash Bros. 64 Yoshi, with the incredibly-cheap butt-stomp that was long-distance death. This is Brawl Yoshi, who's only slightly-dangerous from afar and is pretty much only dangerous if you're not paying attention. It's almost like they're missing something.
Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: ddudndundun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dun dund dododododododododododododododododododododododododododododoodo
How They'll Win This Game: Sam Muldrow has another big game, though less with 3-pointers and more with rebounds, blocks and free-throw attempts. Ramon Galloway making up Muldrow 's lack of 3-point output would tip the scales in the Gamecocks' favor.
About Ole Miss
Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Zero Suit Samus. Really not strong on the inside defensively, but can absolutely pour on the damage from quick outside-in attacks or on the tip of her Plasma Whip.
Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season:: Not going with Admiral Ackbar. Or Hotty Totty Man, which would have provided Duff Man type of humor. OH YEAH!
How They'll Win This Game: Terrance Henry and Reginald Bucker have to contain Mudrow. Getting some extra scoring output from Dundrecous Nelson would be very handy as well.
South Carolina-Ole Miss Prediction
Ole Miss by 2. Chris Warren makes a ballsy shot with time running out and the Gamecocks can't answer. Then Ole Miss fans go back to talking about baseball for the next 18 hours.
Gratuitous and Shameless Plug
I'll be watching this session at Buddy's Bar and Grill in Lexington, KY. Stop by if you'd like to hear me giggle like a 14-year-old girl at every turnover.