Halftime Adjustment Finding the Seams of Your Zone Since 2011

Why Your NCAA Team Lost: Round of 64

Posted on March 19, 2011

Thirty-two games, thirty-two losers. You could read detailed post-game reviews at other news sites, but you don't have time for that. Instead, check out these quick, fake reasons why each team lost their NCAA Tournament first Second Round game.

  • Louisville -- "Evacuate? In our moment of triumph? I think you overestimate their chances!" "Great shot kid, that was one-in-a-million!"
  • Hampton, UT-San Antonio -- They were #16 seeds.
  • Boston University, UNC-Asheville -- They were #16 seeds but it took their #1-seed opponents a half to remember they were #16 seeds.
  • Vanderbilt -- Did not play game in Memorial Gymnasium. Also, Kevin Stallings.
  • Clemson, Indiana State -- Zoned to death.
  • Old Dominion -- Could not secure the final possesSSSSSHHHAAAWWWNN.
  • Penn State -- Talor Battle made a deep 3 to tie, but there was still Juan shot left.
  • Princeton -- Prevented Kentucky's Brandon Knight from scoring for only 39 minutes and 58 seconds.
  • Northern Colorado -- Expected San Diego State Coach Steve Fisher to choke away the game but didn't do anything to help him.
  • UC Santa Barbara -- Too much Tyler Summit.
  • Wofford -- Didn't make awful rap music.
  • Bucknell -- Thought UConn might be tired.
  • Belmont -- Curse of the Expected High-Seed Upset.
  • Michigan State -- Tom Izzo got confused, thought media thinking highly of him would add 20 points to the score at the end.
  • St. John's -- If Izzo gets 20 points at the end of the game, Steve Lavin gets 15, right? Wrong.
  • Missouri -- 11 minutes without a made FG only works when Cincinatti goes 15 minutes without a made FG.
  • Memphis -- Referee Jim Burr hates Dan Wolkins and Memphis. (I didn't think Arizona forward Derrick Williams' block was the kind of foul a ref would call at the end of the game. But perhaps a foul should have been called when Arizona forward Jamelle Horne crashed into Memphis' Wesley Witherspoon on the rebound.)
  • Utah State -- Wild Bill didn't wear a tutu.
  • Oakland -- Not just like Compton.
  • Tennessee -- Tennessee AD Mike Hamilton's big fat mouth.
  • Akron -- Left Cleveland.
  • Villanova -- Despite the lower seed, Villanova was subject to the #ruleofgus.
  • Georgia -- Tried to invoke #ruleofgus without Gus present.
  • UNLV -- Illinois decided that now was a good time to make-up for every missed jumper they've taken this year. Seriously: The Illini nearly shot 60% for the game!
  • Texas A&M -- Scored just 14 points in the first nineteen minutes of the 2nd half. Could have used some of Illinois' scoring.
  • Long Island -- Played better defense than UNLV, but not that much better.
  • St. Peter's -- This is not 2007, so the Peacocks weren't propelled by gratuitous Family Guy references.
  • Xavier -- Jordan's Better! *clap clap clap-clap-clap*
  • Georgetown -- Rodriguez and Rozelle at Tanagra! Shaka! When the Hoyas Fell!

More losers soon will join these teams tomorrow and Sunday. They will be most likely the losers President Obama picked. On Monday, Glenn Beck will draw up a chalkboard conspiracy involving the President, Libyan rebels, the NCAA, Enes Kanter and Jay Bilas. In the meantime, enjoy the games everyone!

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SEC Smash Bros. Tourney: Games #7 & #8 Preview

Posted on March 11, 2011

The SEC Tourney Friday nightcap features several interesting matchups. Florida, the SEC Regular Season Champion, will need all the seasoned leadership it can get from it's core of seniors and juniors to get past a desperate Tennessee team. The Mississippi State, embroiled in controversy early in the season, looks to replicate its season-ending form against a Vandy team that is better than a 3rd seeding. And maybe tonight I'll actually stay awake!

If you can't watch on a local SEC Network partner (PDF), perhaps you can watch via ESPN3. I'll be taking one of my kids to an event tonight, so there will probably be no Quick, Fake summaries tonight. Enjoy the games!

E5 Tennessee vs. E1 Florida

Previous Meeting(s)

In January, Florida won in overtime 81-75. Florida's starters all scored in double-digits and the Gators as a team shot 52.5% FG against the Volunteers. In the February rematch at Gainesville, Tennessee junior guard Scotty Hopson scored 22 points and he and his teammates took Florida senior forward Chandler Parsons out of the game. But it wasn't enough, as junior guard made a game-winning layup to propel the Gators to a 61-60 victory.

About Tennessee

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Wario. Seemingly can recover from hits that would knock other teams out. Much better in approach/transition game than advertised. Solid defensively and has a knack for collecting offensive rebounds and steals. When used correctly, can be a very dangerous team to play, but is pretty-much worthless when a coach is just button-mashing (or distracted).

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Lies, damn lies, and crucifixin'.

How They'll Win This Game: Harassing Florida's Chandler Parsons is a good start, as limiting his use will stall Florida's offense. But the Vols will need to play defensive without the reckless abandon they showed last night against Arkansas. Florida's non-Parsons players will be able to score if they are left open.

About Florida

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Meta Knight. This senior-laden team means that they can recover from nearly anything. Offensive attacks ebbs and flows freely and efficiently. Limits opponents second chances and then successfully counter-attacks.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: This team is the best Florida team since the back-to-back National Championship teams, and the average home attendance was just 10,186.

How They'll Win This Game: Playing much better team defense by limiting Scotty Hopson's and freshman forward Tobias Harris' offensive output. Florida should also flatten Tennessee's emotional play by frustrating every shot and not letting the Vols have a significant run or hardly any offensive rebounds.

Tennessee-Florida Prediction

Florida by 4. Florida should have no problem dominating pace of play. Tennessee will furiously rally through the game, but won't have enough at the end to win.

E3 Vanderbilt vs. W2 Mississippi State

Previous Meeting(s)

It took a 12-0 run late in the second half that was fueled by a full-court press that let Vandy pull away from the Bulldogs 81-74. Vandy junior forward Jeffery Taylor had 25 points, 2 assists and 3 steals and sophomore guard John Jenkins had 21 points.

About Vanderbilt

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Snake. Can punish opponents from near, from far away or from the free-throw line. Can rush or contain opponents. Not the greatest defense but does enough to slow the other team down. Powerful and deadly when focused.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Mr. C, the Vandy mascot, is a bit of a dick.

How They'll Win This Game: Getting John Jenkins well enough to drive and create is going to be important against Mississippi State's defense. Vandy should make sure Mississippi State forward Renardo Sidney stays frustrated and disinterested as possible.

About Mississippi State

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: King Dedede. Will slug it out with you if you let him. Will gladly throw teammates into the fray (and off the board).

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season:: The Renardo Sidney investment being moderately successful. Head Coach Rick Stansbury going insane in the membrane at the end of the season was an entertaining subplot.

How They'll Win This Game: Miss. St.'s Ravern Johnson has got to go ham. It seems the small forward is the spot that Vandy can't defend very well, and Johnson should exploit it. Sidney and junior guard Dee Bost have to make a positive impact, even if they don't score a lot of points.

Vandy-Mississippi State Prediction

Vandy by 6. Vandy has just too many weapons and Mississippi State can't stop them all.

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TANSTAAFL!

SEC Smash Bros. Tourney: Games #3 & #4 Preview

Posted on March 10, 2011

The Thursday evening session features two SEC East teams with something to prove. Vandy dropped their chance at a #2 seed in the SEC Tourney with a dumb loss to Tennessee at home. The Vols, riding an insane strength-of-schedule rating and victory over Pittsburgh that is more amazing now than it was then, should want to fight their way towards victory and respect. Luckily for both teams, they get to start their SEC Tournament campaigns with SEC West teams. Yay!

If you can't watch on a local SEC Network partner (PDF), perhaps you can watch via ESPN3. After each game is complete, I'll have a Quick, Fake Summary of the game posted here on HTA.com. Enjoy the games!

E5 Tennessee vs. E4 Arkansas

Previous Meeting(s)

Arkansas forwards Delvon Johnson and Marshawn Powell scored a combined 31 points on Tennessee's interior defense, leading the Razorbacks to a 68-65 win.

About Tennessee

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Wario. Seemingly can recover from hits that would knock other teams out. Much better in approach/transition game than advertised. Solid defensively and has a knack for collecting offensive rebounds and steals. When used correctly, can be a very dangerous team to play, but is pretty-much worthless when a coach is just button-mashing (or distracted).

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Lies, damn lies, and crucifixin'.

How They'll Win This Game: HEARTDETERMINATIONPASSIONHEART. Bruce Pearl is at his best when he can make his team believe that it is them against the world. Tobias Harris and Cameron Tatum will need to pour in the points to help free Scotty Hopson from any double or triple-teams. If Brian Williams is healthy again, his rebounding and interior defense will be crucial in limiting Arkansas' scoring.

About Arkansas

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Link. Pretty decent attacks from long-range and can bash you pretty good on the inside. Defensively limited and has difficulty recovering when hit hard.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: The pressure on Head Coach John Pelphrey was an unwelcome distraction that you'd think wouldn't get worse. Wellt it got worse.

How They'll Win This Game: Rotnei Clark goes bezerk within the confines of the Arkansas offensive set. If the Razorbacks can be mostly patient and get good looks from Tennessee's often over-extending defense, they should be able to put up enough points to make a close game.

Tennessee-Arkansas Prediction

Tennessee by 5. Arkansas makes a run in the second half to overcome a big deficit but can't score enough to win. Bruce Pearl spends the press conference reminding everybody what he means to Tennessee Basketball while Pat Summit can be heard rolling her eyes from Knoxville.

W6 LSU vs. E3 Vanderbilt

Previous Meeting(s)

Vanderbilt let LSU score 41 points in the first half. But the Commodores limited the Tigers to 25% FG in the second half and just 3 points in the final 4:50 minutes. Vandy cruised to a 90-69 win.

About LSU

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Jigglypuff. Pretty much not dangerous unless you fall asleep. Even if you do fall asleep, LSU can't knock you off the stage without some assistance.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Coach Trent Johnson's recruiting. LSU's freshmen are talented but not talented enough to be thrust into leading their team to victory this season. Coach Johnson apologized to the fans and will probably be happy to see this season over.

How They'll Win This Game: A bullshit shooting percentage of which we've never seen before. And incredible rebounding. LSU has to limit Vandy's offensive rebounds to have any shot at an upset.

About Vanderbilt

Super Smash Bros. Brawl Character That Best Describes The Team: Snake. Can punish opponents from near, from far away or from the free-throw line. Can rush or contain opponents. Not the greatest defense but does enough to slow the other team down. Powerful and deadly when focused.

Stupidest Thing That Happened To Them This Season: Mr. C, the Vandy mascot, is a bit of a dick.

How They'll Win This Game: By wanting to win the game.

LSU-Vanderbilt Prediction

Vandy by 15. Trent Johnson tries to sneak out of the arena inside a cardboard box. When he is discovered, a red exclamation mark appears over his head.

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